Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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