I'm sorry my penis didn't work
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
