she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
