Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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