a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
