Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
