The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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