Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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