OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
