Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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