Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
