Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
