Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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