does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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