I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
