I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
