You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize