hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
