did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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