Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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