So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Houston, we have a blender
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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