the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
