So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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