i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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