I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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