Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize