I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
