Kiss
Puke
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
