it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
