we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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