I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
