i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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