Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
