She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
