Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
