I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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