he thought i was a dude.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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