wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
