If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
