Your mouth is God's brothel.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
