That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
