He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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