I must be too annoying 4 u.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize