420 ftw
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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