I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
