someone get that fucking seahorse.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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