He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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