i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
