Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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