I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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