I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize