I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
