Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
