So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize