Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
