I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
God I need to hump something, right now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
