I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
