if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
