Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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