so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
