yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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