hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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