So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
