He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize