Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
