At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
